So, without further ado, our Best Supporting Couple Oscar goes to Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.
Lucius and Narcissa in fanart100: work by makani.
Want to give Hermione a run for her money in the know-it-all field? Simply play the quiz by commenting on this post with your answers at any time over the weekend. All comments with answers will be screened until the answer sheet is posted on Monday morning EST. On Monday, all quizzlings with the correct answers will receive a pretty banner to prove their quiz prowess. Ready? Set? Play!
Match the quotes to the story titles without picking the red herring titles:
Big Name Death Eater Three by shiv5468
An Allowable Deduction by stormyskize
Antidotes by writermerrin
The Room of Lost Dreams by mundungus42
Never Assume by Slytherin Head
Take a Chance on Love by madeleone
One-Upmanship by moreteadk
Harmonic Resolution by karelia
Looking For Magic by hypnobarb1 (WIP)
Father Figure by teddyradiator
The Master Spy by Aurette
On the Other Side of Hate by linlawless
1. 'Be fair, dearest,' said Lucius, withdrawing a piece of parchment from his pocket. 'Miss Granger hasn't broken our confidence. She was kind enough to inform us that she isn't the only one to find Severus's alleged death suspicious. It makes sense, considering that a mere schoolgirl possessed of only the barest facts was able to deduce the truth.'
He handed his wife the parchment, and she began to read, snorting periodically. 'Someone really ought to teach that girl something about subtlety. 'Others will be suspicious because there's no body'' she read aloud. ''And please don't take that to mean that you ought to kill someone to take Severus's place. Or if you do, please Obliviate me so I won't know it was my idea.' Really, as if we've ever killed anybody who didn't deserve it.'
'Still, dashed sporting of her to let us know, by Gryffindor standards. Though it does make one wonder what in that diary made her return it to him, now of all times.'
'You didn't read it?' asked Narcissa with a frown.
'There was nothing to read, my pet. It was completely empty, except when it called me names for attempting to access its contents.'
'Just like the Dark Lord's diary,' whispered Narcissa, going slightly pale.
'Nonsense. Severus says it's not the same, and I will accept his assurances. Now, let's finish tea and then I'll write to Miss Granger to see if I coax some additional information about the journal out of her. Severus is bound to be a closed book on the subject, and her previous missive shows a most useful propensity towards frankness.'
'Excellent,' said Narcissa, rising. 'Be so good as to give her my regards.'
'Shall I ask her to supper next week?' asked Lucius with a wicked gleam in his eye.
'No need to go too far,' replied his wife.
'Perish the thought,' he said, drawing her into a warm embrace.
2. The room was silent as Severus restored his memories. When he had regained the last one, he set his wand down and buried his face in Hermione’s hair, which had dried into wild ringlets in the sun. She heard his breath catch a couple of times as he tried to compose himself after the onslaught of emotions. His first sentence was somewhat muffled by her hair. “You washed out the narcissus.”
She looked up into his eyes, trying to see if there was a difference. “Madam Pomfrey said no potions or charms, and that was both.”
“Alright, my clever girl, let’s see if we can’t find out who did this to you.”
The sound of Lucius clearing his throat reminded Hermione that she and Severus were not alone. “If they survived the battle, we can remedy that for you.”
“Lucius!” Narcissa gave him a delicate smack. “Talk like that will land you back in Azkaban.”
“I was talking about hunting down a Death Eater. Isn’t that allowed?”
“If the two of you don’t mind, I’m about to perform some delicate magic.”
Hermione’s face reddened, and Narcissa rose. “Then we should probably give you two a moment alone.”
Hermione didn’t look up to see the looks that passed between the three Slytherins but decided that ignorance in this case was surely bliss. One arm still holding her securely to him, she met his gentle smile with one of her own.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
3. "As I already pointed out, Lucius is my work partner and my friend, I would not be willing to put either relationship at risk merely for sex."
"Well, I must point out that it would not be mere sex; I am quite sure that it would be really, really, hot sex. Great sex, in fact. The best ever, probably," interjected Lucius. "But then again I am old enough to be your father, which might make it a bit awkward."
"Oh, I don't really think that would be a problem, Lucius. You know that I've always had a big thing for older men, and you actually are quite sexy for a man your age. "
"Well, I do appreciate that, sweet. But we both know what the real issue here would be..."
"Narcissa!" they both cried simultaneously.
"You see, Harry," Hermione stated quite seriously, "Firstly, not only is Lucius a married man, but he is married to the love of his life. He would no sooner cheat on Narcissa than you would cheat on Luna.
"Secondly," she continued, "Narcissa is my friend as well, and I would never dream of hurting her in such a way. And thirdly—"
"She would kill us both," interrupted Lucius.
"Oh, definitely. Happily and violently, she would torture us endlessly without a qualm, and then she would dispose of our bodies in such a way that we would never, ever be found."
"Mulch," concluded Lucius. "I'm quite sure she would turn us both into mulch."
"So, Harry, if we ever both turn up missing, you may assume that we lost our heads and gave in to temptation, and got caught fucking like bunnies. Then, when Cissy learned of our betrayal she mulched us and fed us to her roses. Be sure to check there first, won't you?" Hermione directed Harry facetiously.
4. “Cissy.” Lucius sounded apprehensive.
Narcissa turned away from her task of dabbing Severus’s face with a moist towel and met her husband’s eyes. “What is it?”
“I… I thought we could get away for a couple of days. Maybe the Highlands. Just you and I. In the middle of nowhere. Maybe we’ll even find some mushrooms. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” His expression was anxious and hopeful.
“Really? You wouldn’t mind?” Her patient momentarily forgotten, she stood and wrapped her arms around him.
His laugh was one of relief. “Is there anything I would mind doing with you, love?” His hands cupped her face. “I was hoping you’d like the idea. I read somewhere the mushroom season only lasts so long, and if we’re lucky, we might catch the tail end of it.”
“I would love to go. But… have you talked to Lyra? We can’t leave Severus alone overnight.” Narcissa leant against her husband’s chest, drawing comfort from his heartbeat, his scent, the soft feel of his robes, and then, from the echo of his low chuckle.
“Not only have I arranged with Lyra to stay here during our absence but I’ve taken the liberty to book a bed and breakfast just outside Grantown-on-Spey, close to the forest,” Lucius said, his tone faintly smug.
Narcissa clung to him more tightly, grateful that he was finding a footing in the world again, something to distract him from the sad state of his oldest friend and the fact that they were outcasts in their own world. “When are we going?”
Lucius weaved his fingers through her hair. “Tomorrow, if that suits you. Lyra will be here in the morning, and she agreed to stay until we return on Sunday.”
5. It was official: Lucius Malfoy was insane. Not to mention he was a very dead man once Severus got a hold of him. He couldn't understand what in the world would possess Lucius to set him up on a blind date. Not just any blind date, either: a blind date with Hermione Granger, as in the Hermione Granger whose best friends just happened to be Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. Also, this happened to be the same Hermione Granger who was twenty years younger than him. How did Lucius expect them to find any common ground? He was old, always in a foul mood, and the last person anyone would want to spend time with while Hermione, on the other hand, was young, beautiful, intelligent, and one of the most sought out people in England.
To be honest, he really should have known something was wrong when he had gone to Malfoy Manor after receiving an invitation from Lucius to dinner. Narcissa looked as though she had just found a bag full of Galleons under her pillow the entire time he was there. No woman could be that giddy with joy and not be up to something. During his time with them, she kept throwing small glances at him, making him uncomfortable. By the time Lucius announced he had a surprise for him, she was practically jumping in her seat. When Lucius finally told him of his surprise, Severus deemed it a miracle Narcissa hadn't passed out from all the excitement.
After minutes of arguing with Lucius and Narcissa about not wanting to go on a "blind date," he left the Manor as quickly as possible. He could hear Lucius shout out that he would see him later that week at the small lake party they would be throwing in light of Draco's engagement to Astoria Greengrass.
And now, here he was, standing outside of Gringotts like a complete idiot.
6. "I quite like this game, my dears. We haven't gotten good enough at it to cheat yet," Narcissa Malfoy said, pushing down the lid on the board game they had just finished playing. "No, thank you, dear," she said, refusing another glass of wine from Hermione Granger-Snape. "I'm afraid Lucius has had far too much and I think one of us needs to be compos mentis enough for side-along Apparation home."
"My dear wife, you wound me. Are you impugning my ability to Apparate after a few glasses of this excellent Muggle wine?" Lucius asked, smiling beneficently. He placed an elegant hand on his breast. "I'm hurt. I am as bereft as a leaf blowing in mountain water."
Narcissa smiled complacently, and replied very sweetly, "No my darling, I would never impugn, but then again, water doesn't blow leaves, no matter how poetic that sounded in your head." She turned to Hermione with a warm smile. "When he's in his cups, no metaphor is safe with him."
Severus Snape caught Lucius' eye, and the two men smiled knowingly. Lucius drew the tattered remnants of his dignity around him and raised his chin. "I might be a couple of sheets to the wind, but there's nothing wrong with my metaphors." He rose to accept his travelling cloak from Hermione and bumped into the end table, sending his other three companions diving to save the breakable items rocking precariously on top.
Hermione looked at her husband, and the deep glint in his eye was a warning not to laugh. It was a futile warning at best, and the quirk of his own lips belied any attempt on his part to quell his own mirth, and the four of them laughed until Hermione felt tears trickle from her eyes.
Finally, Malfoy senior put his arm around his lovely wife and sighed. "I think it's time we were away to pastures anew, love. Our fair-weather friends tease and mock me."
"Yeah, yeah," Hermione nodded, still grinning. "Big bad Death Eater, blah blah blah -"
"You see that, love?" Lucius turned dramatically to his smiling wife. "Reduced to a 'blah'.
7. Lucius arrived back at the table just in time to hear Snape declare his undying love for Hermione. He smiled broadly and took a moment to smooth back his hair.
“I’ll see Narcissa home, old boy. No need to concern yourself with her.”
“Thank you, Lucius,” Snape said, although he never took his eyes off Hermione.
Narcissa snorted in a very unladylike and undignified manner.
“Bastard,” she muttered.
“Now, now, Narcissa,” Lucius said in a soothing tone of voice. “We should be happy that true love has found its way for our old friend Severus.
“Come, my dear, and I’ll see you home.”
He held out his hand. Narcissa stood up and took it.
“The peasants deserve each other,” she muttered. Then she looked up at Lucius and smiled, almost shyly.
“I understand that your business is doing very well, Lucius,” she simpered.
“Passably so, my pet, passably so.”
8. "What my wife won't say is that when she first noticed something was wrong, I didn't believe her. In my defense, it has been a strain trying to make her feel safe from something I couldn't see or curse. When she first started to tell me things were disappearing, I'm afraid I thought she was sliding into paranoia."
"When did you start to believe her?" Harry asked.
"Honestly? This afternoon. When Severus showed up and took her seriously." Harry looked at Snape, but he just nodded to Narcissa to continue.
"I first noticed things were starting to disappear around a year ago."
"What kinds of things?"
"The first thing to disappear was an antique knife. It bears the Malfoy crest and was displayed in the library. It's imbued with a curse and very dangerous. Then I started to notice more things missing. One of my sprites, a pair of Lucius's shoes-"
"Hang on, what do you mean a sprite?" Harry asked. Snape had a fierce expression on his face, and Ron and Hermione were staring at each other.
"I have a collection of little figurines. They're sprites. When you whisper a spell, they all start to dance. I've had them since I was a girl. One went missing."
Hermione got up and walked over to the bags of evidence on the floor by the wall and started rummaging. She pulled her hand out and walked over to Mrs. Malfoy and opened it.
"That's it! That's my sprite! Oh, Lucius! They were in my home! I told you! I told you!"
"Easy, Cissy. You were right all along. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."
"No, it's my fault. I'm the one that made it difficult to believe. If I hadn't been so weak after the battle you would have seen this was different." She dabbed at her eyes with her husband's handkerchief. "When I noticed things being taken, I realized there was a plot. I just had no idea what it was. I became almost crippled by my fears. I couldn't leave the house. I practically smothered my daughter-in-law with over-protectiveness. I know I drove my husband and son to distraction. It was easy to think I was just getting more irrational. Madness does run in the family."
"We all got irrational after the final battle, Mrs. Malfoy. I started to cast Notice-Me-Not charms on myself to avoid scrutiny. I did so for years," Hermione admitted, stunning both Harry and Ron.
"Did it work?" she asked.
"Too well. They stuck."
9. Having received a dinner invitation from Lucius and Narcissa, Severus stopped at Malfoy Manor before returning to Hogwarts. For the first time in years, he was able to fully enjoy the delicacies they offered, from the appetisers (caviar and a lovely pâté) to the soup (an utterly divine seafood bisque) to the main course (Beef Wellington) to the pudding (the best dark chocolate mousse he had ever tasted).
He found that now he could actually enjoy the meal, the small talk was far less tedious than he had always found it in the past. It was actually rather amusing to watch Lucius wind Narcissa up as he generally delighted in doing, and he didn't even mind (much) when Lucius then distracted her from her annoyance by getting her started on the topic of Severus's love life—or lack thereof.
Thus, he wasn't even annoyed when, over after-dinner drinks in the parlour, Narcissa asked, "Who do we know that might be suitable for Severus?"
"I appreciate the thought, Narcissa, but I am perfectly content alone."
"Nonsense. Now that you're healthy, there's nothing to prevent you finding someone and settling down. You need someone to look after you."
Unbidden, the thought of Hermione's efforts to care for him when he thought she was Lily flashed through his mind. He frowned. "I'm quite capable of looking after myself."
"But why should you have to?" Lucius tossed his two Knuts in. "I'm sure we can find you someone appropriate if we put our minds to it."
"Ah, but we aren't putting our minds to it. If you recall, I already have my hands full—at your insistence, I might add—with other things."
"Pffft," Lucius said inelegantly. "You could charm her with one eye closed and you know it. Although perhaps you ought to consider dating her—it would certainly raise your profile."
"Dating who?" Narcissa asked eagerly. "Who are you trying to charm, Severus? And why is this the first I'm hearing of it?"
"Now you've done it, Lucius. Do you see the gleam in her eye?" he asked before taking a sip of his drink.
10. “Well,” said Smudger. “Are we actually going to do something, or are we going to stand here like lemons for the rest of the evening?”
“We’re going to do something,” Lucius said. “I rather need to have a quick word with my wife.”
“You’re not going to do something silly are you?” Severus said with a knowing smile.
“I rather think I am,” Lucius replied and promptly blasted a hole in the wall of the building.
Tonks dropped to the floor, and tried to get under the sofa. Narcissa snatched up her wand and turned to face her attacker.
“What the hell do you think you’re playing at, Narcissa?” Lucius bellowed. “Kidnapping Aurors can get you into a lot of trouble. As can playing with love potions.”
“I think he’s been mixing with Gryffindors too much,” Severus remarked idly to Smudger as they peered through the hole. “That wasn’t very subtle was it?”
“Not subtle at all,” Smudger replied. “Effective though. Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go and rescue my girlfriend. I wouldn’t want her to be caught in the crossfire of a Malfoy domestic – it looks like this could turn nasty.”
“Good idea,” Severus said. “I think we’ll just watch from the sidelines.”
“If only we’d known,” Harry added. “We could have brought some snacks to pass the time.”
“Five knuts says she hexes him,” Ron said.
“Done,” Hermione said. “And another five says they end up snogging by the end of the evening.”