Severus Snape has decided he wants Hermione Granger. What sneaky, underhanded tactics will he resort to in his pursuit of the know-it-all? All bets are off when a Slytherin goes wooing!
Want to give Hermione a run for her money in the know-it-all field? Simply play the quiz by commenting on this post with your answers at any time over the weekend. All comments with answers will be screened until the answer sheet is posted on Monday morning EST. On Monday, all quizzlings with the correct answers will receive a pretty banner to prove their quiz prowess. Ready? Set? Play!
Match the quotes to the story titles without picking the red herring titles:
On the Other Side of Hate by linlawless
Snape the Seducer by ayerf
Yuleride by ms_figg
The Nine Year (Seven Month, Twelve Day, Fourteen Hour, Thirty-seven Minute) Plan by miamadwyn
For Hogwarts: A Regency Gamble by subversa
Mysterious Benefactor by aleysiasnape
Great Plans by larilee
Luring the Enchantress by southernwitch69
Courting Disaster by pennfana
The Best Laid Plans by HogwartsClassof91 aka hogwarts_91
Hook, Line and Sink Her by laiksmarei
Melangell by tarah_fae
1. “Miss Granger, do you realize the importance of the potions these classes are making?”
Hermione bit her lip for a moment, a habit he hoped age would cure. “Yes Sir, we’re… we’re preparing, Sir. Preparing…” her voice dropped, “for the war.”
“Very good, Miss Granger,” he replied calmly. “Should the Headmaster recommend you apprentice with me, I could hardly fight the suggestion.”
Her eyes brightened and she held her breath for a moment. “Do you really think I could… I could become a Potions Mistress, Sir?” she asked hopefully.
And more, he thought before speaking. “Yes, Miss Granger, I do. Though if you should repeat that, I shall be forced to deny it.”
“Yes, Sir. I understand,” she said, her eyes shining with exuberance. “Should I speak with Professor Dumbledore, Sir?”
“I shall suggest it to the Headmaster, Miss Granger,” he replied. “You should know though, I have plans for you.”
“Thank you, Professor Snape!” she said exuberantly. “I promise, I won’t let you down.”
“Very well, Miss Granger. I shall hold you to that. You may leave.” He watched her depart as he twirled a quill in one hand.
Yes, plans, he thought. His mind conjured images of them, together, working over a cauldron. Then later, returning to their quarters, reading over Potions texts and Ars Alchemica before retiring to their marriage bed. And if she wasn’t a particular lusty female, well, there were potions for that.
2. "I am not drunk! And you are not going to avoid this subject this easily. I want to know exactly what you meant when you said, and I quote, 'The things I do for love!'"
"Ms Granger, it is now well after three and I am losing my patience. Now it is this simple. Either you have the patience and desire for wooing and seduction leading up to hot, smutty sex, or you do not. Tell me now. Do you?"
"What is my other choice?"
"We skip the wooing and seduction."
"Let me guess. Telling me I'm shallow, a bad mother with ugly children who exploits her dubious history as a war hero and – all the etceteras – is your idea of seduction?"
"Are you really that stupid?"
"Evidently not. You haven't been in the school twelve hours and I already have you in my bedchamber in a see-through nighty. With pointy nipples, I might add."
"You're telling me that you gave me a job you don't think I deserve in order to get me here and insult me under the insane notion that such behaviour would land me in your bed?"
"There's no reason to get snitty about it, just because it's working. I'm known to be quite the strategist. And I wish you wouldn't fold your arms across your breasts. It spoils the view."
3. Not that he’d ever bothered to stake his claim in any manner that would have been noticed by others. Men like Severus Snape didn’t concern themselves with such trifles. He’d been quite content to observe her since her return to Hogwarts a year ago, to watch her squirm each time she felt his eyes upon her. He never missed an opportunity to bait her, and she rarely missed a chance to respond to his challenges with an acerbic retort. She had proved herself a worthy opponent, and he believed she derived as much thrill as he from their frequent matches. And if their battles of will had begun to take on a more … intimate … tone lately, so much the better. It was all part of His Plan. Each step had been painstakingly crafted, each variable carefully considered. Once finalised, it couldn’t fail to yield his desired result: the brightest witch of his acquaintance, in his bed.
His Plan, despite its brilliance, had obviously been threatened by person or persons unknown. He had observed Hermione from the moment she’d entered the deserted library. His senses had come alive long before she crossed into view, as they always did. His awareness of her on this heretofore-unknown level had been one of the many reasons for the formulation of His Plan. She had stormed into the room, her black robes billowing magnificently with barely suppressed rage, and it had occurred to him a few modifications to His Plan might be in order. She didn’t appear to fully appreciate the subtle nuances of His Plan, and in the meantime, someone had elicited her ire in a way that should have been reserved for him. And that simply would not be permitted. But, oh, she was an amazing sight to behold when she was angry. Her brown eyes flashed with a fire so hot it leapt across the room and heated his blood. Perhaps he had tortured himself long enough. Perhaps the time had come to move towards the next stage of His Plan.
4. “Yeah. After we get married and have lots of little Weasleys, she’ll come to all of my matches with our brood.”
“They’ll sit with my own, all of their little faces smiling up at us as they cheer for us. To us and the future!” Harry clinked his bottle together with Ron’s as a toast to their bright, shining, utopian future while Lavender sniffed with disgust.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
‘Not if I have anything to do with it, Weasley,’ Severus Snape thought, glowering over at the group of Quidditch louts from his position sitting at a table in the shadows under the stairs. ‘It’s clear that you don’t appreciate a witch of Hermione Granger’s intelligence. Why don’t you go for a Quidditch groupie or a brainless bleach blonde? Mind you, I thought Miss Brown counted as the latter, yet she seems to have developed better sense. I wonder if what she said about Weasley’s lack of accomplishment as a lover is true? If it is, then my pursuit will be easier.’
He stood up and swept out of the Hog’s Head, unnoticed by the carousing group at the bar, his trademark black robes blending into the shadows even if they had been paying any attention to their surroundings. He paused before leaving, the tip of his wand barely visible as it poked out of the sleeve of his robes. One unnoticed spell on Weasley later, and he sidled out of the door.
5. Severus left Grimmauld Place without seeing her again, but he didn’t care. Things were progressing nicely. He could have throttled Weasley for touching her as he had, but it was for the best really. This would all be later used for his advantage. He’d witnessed on two occasions that the girl was slightly adverse to sexual acts. He chuckled to himself. That would be easy enough to remedy. She simply needed to be seduced, not pawed over.
Molly would see to it that the pair stayed apart for the rest of the holiday. Once she was back at the castle, he would set his plans in motion. His plans were simple enough. He would slowly befriend her, slowly get closer to her, slowly start to show her his intentions, and slowly begin to make love to her. “Make love,” he said aloud with another chuckle. “Interesting choice of words.”
There was Ronald Weasley to deal with. As far as he could see, the boy was well on his way to losing her already. That wouldn’t be a problem any longer. He could see that she cared for the little blighter though. She would likely be devastated, and as the Dark Lord predicted, it would leave the trio parted for a while. He would use that moment to be there to help her pick up the pieces.
With a smirk, Severus walked towards the headmaster’s office. He supposed that Dumbledore should be aware of his plans, but he wasn’t ready to confide this to him. Not yet. There were other issues that needed to be discussed.
6. "What do you want?"
"Is that any way to greet a friend come to see about your welfare?"
"Lucius, I am in no mood for your games. Why are you bothering me?"
Lucius sighed pitifully. "Here I am, worried about one of my oldest friends, and this is the thanks I get?" He shook his head. When Severus deepened his scowl, he said, "All right, fine, I'll get to the point. I think you should ask to see Hermione while you're in hospital."
"What? Why would I do that? This is the only respite I'm going to get from her company for the next three months at least—more if your stupid plan works."
Lucius frowned. "It's not a stupid plan, and may I remind you that it's all in your best interest? You should invite her to visit you because, combined with an apology for your past behaviour, it will go further than anything else I can think of to persuade her you're sincerely trying to make amends rather than attempting to manipulate her. It will contrast nicely with your demands for her to leave you be when last you were in hospital."
"You want me to apologise to her now? I was planning to wait a few weeks to accustom her to my more charming self. And how do you know I made her leave last time?"
"Educated guess. Well, that and, as you should recall after watching the memory a thousand times, she told me at tea the other day." He shook his head. "See? No subtlety. Anyway, of course you should apologise as soon as possible. Why wait? Even you must have admitted by now that you've been wrong about her intentions toward you; nothing is served by putting it off."
"I admit nothing."
"To me? No, of course not. I wouldn't expect you to. But I refuse to believe you're too stubborn to admit your mistakes to yourself. Now, do you want to rehearse what you'll say to her? I'd advise looking as weak and pitiful as possible. If she thinks the treatment is unpleasant, she'll be more sympathetic."
7. After many days of careful planning, Severus began weaving his elaborate web. His initial seduction was comprised of subtle nuances. During class, he would circle the area of the room where Hermione sat, quietly appraising her curvaceous body. On one such occasion, he stated aloud, “My, my, my, Miss Granger, your form is quite … impressive.”
“Thank you, sir. I have been practicing my chopping method,” she stated proudly.
Severus raked his eyes over her body once more. “Dear girl,” he leant in to whisper in her ear, “that’s not the form to which I was referring.” As he moved away from her to continue monitoring the progress of the other students, he noticed a blush had begun to stain her cheeks.
When the following Thursday’s lesson commenced, he went a step further. He instructed the students to open the various phials of ingredients he had lain out for them. Severus watched as Hermione struggled in particular with the pomegranate extract. Gliding over to where she sat, Severus stepped behind her, hovering once again, and placed his hands atop hers to direct her motion. “You must use a firm hold, Miss Granger,” he murmured. “The rim tends to get a bit slick when heated by the hand.”
Severus could feel the trembling of her body as she cleared her throat to respond. “I shall try my best, Professor. I would not want to waste any of the precious juice,” Hermione innocently emphasized.
Over time, he escalated his pursuit.
8. When her eyes widened for a fraction of a second, he knew he had hit the gold. Well, well… there was definite interest there. Conscious interest… perhaps not, but her body knew. If he could convince her body, her mind would follow. He would have to ease her into this. He suspected that the hunt would be challenging, even frustrating at times, but that the quarry was worth his patience. By the time he was done, she would be screaming his name.
Had he been a man prone to smiling, he would’ve been grinning ferally at her. As he was not, he just smirked.
He ignored her after that. Like a hunter sitting peacefully under a tree, letting the forest animals grow accustomed to his presence, he allowed her time to gauge him. He always made sure to sit in her direct line of sight at meals, careful to ignore her stealthy glances. Day by day she grew tamer, put at ease by his predictability. His apparent lack of interest in her both reassured her and piqued her interest in him.
Just as he had intended.
When she only spared him a few glances each mealtime, he started changing seating arrangements at every meal. She had seemed alarmed at first when he wasn’t where she’d expected him to be, craning her neck to watch him as he spoke in quiet tones to Filius one meal and then conversed pleasantly with Rolanda the next.
After a few weeks of this, she had settled down again. It was time for the next step.
9. “This is a map of the places I plan to explore and the potions I intend to find,” he said, his black eyes resting on the map longingly.
Hermione studied the map. The Himalayas, South America, Egypt, Sumatra, the Easter Islands . . .
Hermione started, then looked at Snape.
”Lemuria? The land of Mu? I always thought that was a fable. And besides, didn’t it sink?” she asked him.
”Only parts of it. It exists,” the wizard said, staring at the map and running a finger over the circled area. “But it will take magic to access it. It is well protected and . . . ”
Here he looked at Hermione with glittering black eyes.
“ . . . they don’t like strangers.”
Hermione swallowed and looked back at the map. There had to be at least two hundred places circled. Enough exploration to last a lifetime. Snape took full advantage of her interest.
“Read the names of the potions that are claimed to be in these areas,” the wizard purred at the witch, his voice silken and a bit hypnotic. “Read the properties. Take your time.”
Hermione slowly sank down into his swivel chair, completely mesmerized by the map and the small cramped writing scrawled all over it. Snape smirked at her behind her back, then retrieved his glass and walked to the liquor cabinet to fix himself another drink.
The bait was dangling before the witch, and judging by her small exclamations, Hermione found it tantalizing. Snape took a sip of his Firewhiskey and watched her with narrowed, calculating eyes.
Now, if only she’d bite.
10. Severus had thought, when he accepted the schedule as a wager, that he would take Weasley's place and keep Granger on an even keel. But what had seemed a simple matter at the poker game loomed as an impossible task in the bright light of morning. He couldn't see himself dancing attendance on her—dancing with her!—taking responsibility for the girl's day-to-day functionality. It would be far too taxing ... not to mention dangerous.
She bit her lip again, and he gritted his teeth. As things stood, Granger was alone—single—a woman at a 'romantic' event without a partner. In short, she would be a target for every single male who chanced to attend Regency Week—and Merlin knew any single men with a particle of sense would be buzzing around her like bees about a honey pot.
He considered that. Granger, pursued by handsome, fit young men. Granger, courted and flattered. Granger, in the throes of a fresh, new romance.
It would be an unmitigated disaster! How could she possibly concentrate on her job, which was to manage Regency Week to a successful conclusion, if her head were turned by some twit in knee breeches and stockings?
And why the fuck had he permitted her to include a 'money-back guarantee' in her Regency Week advertising? If she fell apart, and the whole event went to hell, the paying guests could demand their Galleons be returned to them!
It all became clear to him in an instant: It was his duty as Headmaster to partner Granger, keep single men away from her, and support her spirits, for Hogwarts! That his attentions to Granger would dissuade Clearwater was merely an added incentive to make the bitter pill sweeter.
He would have to suck it up and take it like a man.